Southern Comfort Fiend

Substitutes can be found for nearly all our thirst quenching needs. Whether it be Pepsi and Coke, Beast and Natty, Rockstar and Red Bull, Powerade and Gatorade, Tropicana and Florida’s Orange Juice, distinct beverage purchasing decisions are often made by comparing prices on very similar drinks. But there clearly is no substitute for one finely made bourbon that satisfies with its natural cough syrupy taste. Its name is Southern Comfort.

Developed by M.W. Heron in 1874, the drink has stayed true to its recipe for now longer than 125 years. With its origins in New Orleans, I can safely say that not only is a southern appetite in my blood (grits, fried chicken, black-eyed peas, jambalaya), a Dixie thirst runs through me also. Other notable events in its history also include a gold medal at the St Louis World’s Fair in 1904 and personal endorsement of rock star Janis Joplin in 1967. With such significant expert and celebrity accolades, how could I not want to put down glasses of this tasteful yet soothing intoxicant?

While I can say that I enjoy the black label Southern Comfort 100 proof as much as the traditional white label 70 proof, processing straight 100 proof rocks the liver of this 180 pound German light weight. This is why I often choose the standard bottle as it is often cheaper also. Plus why would I substitute drinking a smaller glass when I could satisfy my taste buds for a longer duration. Choose the white label if you are in the Ben Regner or Mike Foster weight classes but I strong suggest the black label if you are of Reuben or Empey status.

There is one way and only one way to drink Southern Comfort and that is on the rocks. If you mix this cherished substance with another lesser swallow, flavor, jolt, and dignity will be diminished to the nth degree. Let’s face it, mixers are for wankstas, bitches…period. Go ahead and try dabbling Southern Comfort with coke, cranberry juice, or tonic water. You have been warned and I accept no liability.

There is no other alcohol you can sit around and sip like Southern Comfort and my allegiance will hold till the day of my death bed. My 1.75 may sit around my cabinet for a month or two but every week or two at least a small glass needs to flow down my throat. I don’t know how every can get off drinking the same lame Jack, Bacardi, and Smirnoff when there’s just nothing like a little southern bourbon. Try to substitute Southern Comfort and die.